Centrefold Venus of the Month 34: Jolanta von Zmuda, March 1977

We are desperately trying to catch up on our backlog of regular postings but these centrefold posts, in particular, take a long time to format.  However, we are now in a position to present March's example which has partly been chosen to be less in depth; for the simple reason that their is not much information on this lady.

So it is back to Penthouse from March 1977 and the (initially) smiling face of Jolanta von Zmuda as photographed by Bob Guccione.  This lovely study was ommitted from the UK version of the pictorial.

Jolanta actually features on the cover too which was not always the case for the Pet of the Month.  It's a lovely cover, lit up by her smile and dominated by that nice slice of rump at the bottom centre.  Penthouse had stopped showing nipples on the cover in May 1976. 

There is something faintly Great Gatsby about some of these opening shots, done in Guccione's characteristic soft-focus style.  Not all Pets were truly beautiful but Jolanta was, as these lovely portraits show.

Guccione can't resist inserting some of his signature flowers in the picture, although this time they are white rather than the usual red blooms.  

Penthouse hadn't had one of it's Pets of the Month smiling for some time so Jolanta's shots are very welcome.

Jolanta, according to the text accompanying the pictorial, was a twenty-one year old from Gdansk in Poland and certainly possesses that icy Baltic freshness.  She could do sultry too...

She had a curvy 36-23-36 figure which looks quite possible (sometimes Penthouse's claimed statistics for their girls looked totally wrong given the figure of the young lady in question).

This picture must have been deemed too strong for the UK edition as it didn't appear in it but it features another lovely smile.

After the very soft-focus, romantic pictures that had appeared at the beginning of the pictorial the aggressive spread leg shots are something of a surprise.

This final picture from the magazine pictorial, in particular, was very strong for Penthouse in 1977, as it appears to show Jolanta with aroused labia.

We have read one comment to the effect that she may have been in Rome for the filming of Caligula but we haven't seen her on screen in any of the many versions of the film and she certainly doesn't have a screen credit.

Here are some more of Jolanta from the same session.  Even though the pictures were published in the magazine in 1977 it has been said that they were actually taken in 1975.  Given the way that Penthouse worked this would have meant that Jolanta would not have received her fee until publication.  A long wait.

If they were taken in 1975 then the bold genital shots featured here could not have been published in the magazine at the time.  Maybe this was one of the reasons that the pictures were delayed.  Maybe Guccione wanted to publish these as shot and waited until it was possible.

These ones are all really about Jolanta's prominent genitals and Guccione must have been particularly taken with this bit of Jolanta's anatomy as they feature in so many of these extra pictures.

Just over a year after the pictures appeared in Penthouse Jolanta took Guccione to court, suing him for $4million.  She alleged he drugged her and forced her into sexual activity and a "lurid photo session" as the Ottawa Citizen put it on July 20th 1978.

Of course this begs the question why she didn't sue him earlier, especially if the shoot was in 1975, or was she holding out for the money owed her?  She claimed Guccione ran the pictures without her consent and that the accompanying article attributed fabricated statements to her.   Did she really believe that the quotes attributed to models in such magazines were real?  

One of these comments, in particular, caused her trouble as the piece said that she had aristocratic blood and if it hadn't been for the Polish communists she would have been a countess.  Triple P knows a Czech lady with an aristocratic background and her family lost everything when the communists took over after World War 2 so it could have been true.  Whatever, Jolanta, suing under her real last name of Duchi, said that as a result of this statement the Polish authorities refused her mother a visa to visit her in the US.

We assume that Jolanta didn't win her case, or maybe it was settled out of court.  Unlike other actions against Guccione we haven't been able to track down any proceedings in the case.

So, not surprisingly, she never appeared in Penthouse again which is a shame as we like her beautiful smile (she doesn't look drugged) and, indeed, her toothsome pussy.

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Venus passing: Ingrid Pitt (1937-2010)

Agent Triple P lost one of his early cinematic crushes yesterday with the death of Hammer Films actress Ingrid Pitt, star of such films as Countess Dracula and The Vampire Lovers.

She was a famous  figure (in every sense!) in the British horror scene despite the fact that she made comparatively few films.  However, both Countess Dracula and The Vampire Lovers appeared at a time when Hammer was putting nudity in their films for the first time, after a relaxation in 1970 by the British Board of Film Censors as to what was allowable in an "X" certificate film.   Ingrid's memorably naked turns in these two films were enough to build a reputation that continues to this day, when other starlets from the same period are largely forgotten. 

She was a comparatively elderly 33 when she made The Vampire Lovers but the slightly exotic and statuesque actress was perfect for her role as a lesbian vampire who seduces younger women (notably a very young Madeleine Smith - above).  Despite having relaxed what could be shown on screen the censors were very concerned by the content of this film but the box office was tremendous.

The picture of her in the bath taken on the set of The Vampire Lovers is one of the most iconic from Hammer and, indeed, British films of the seventies.  Following that up as a blood drenched monster who was portrayed as bathing in virgins' blood sealed her reputation as Britain's Queen of Horror.  

Countess Dracula

Pitt had a very hard start in life.  She was born Ingoushka Petrov on 21st November 1937 in Poland to a Jewish mother and a German father who was trying to flee Nazi Germany.  Her mother, Ingrid, went into labour on a train, ending their attempt to leave the country.  Later the family was sent to a concentration camp when she was five after her father, a scientist, refused to work on the German rocket programme.  After three years in a concentration camp she and her mother were being marched, with other prisoners, back to Germany when an allied plane strafed the column and she and her mother escaped into the woods.  Eventually, weeks later, the Red Cross found them and explained that the war was over.  They took her to  East Berlin where she was reunited with her father.  It was her father, through taking her on regular visits to the cinema, who got her interested in acting. She briefly studied medicine and worked as a typist before joining Bertolt Brecht's Berliner Ensemble theatre company.  Her outspoken views on communism got her into trouble but in 1962 she escaped East Berlin by swimming across the River Spree, and was fished out by an American soldier, Roland Pitt, who she married.  She went to America and her first acting roles were on stage there. The marriage didn't last long and she returned to Europe getting bit parts in Spanish films after a Spanish film producer saw a picture of her taken at a bullfight.  In 1968 she got a larger part in Where Eagles Dare (1968) which was made at Borehamwood studios outside London; the first time she had been to the UK, where she would eventually settle.  The following year she met James Carreras, one of the founders of Hammer Films, at a post-premiere party for Alfred the Great and persuaded him that she wanted to appear in one of his films.   The next day he gave her the script of The Vampire Lovers (1970).

The film was a hit although she got into an argument with the film's producers Harry Fine and Michael Style which eventually resulted in them casting another actress, Yutte Stensgaard, for the follow-up Lust for a Vampire (1971).  She returned to Hammer for Countess Dracula (1971) which was very loosely based on the life of Countess Elizabeth Bathory (and had nothing to do with Dracula at all but obviously Hammer weren't too concerned about the difference between Romania and Hungary).  She was mortified to find out that her voice had been dubbed in the latter film  and next time she met director Peter Sasdy she pushed him into the sea.

She made a few more films in the seventies and eighties, notably The House That Dripped Blood (1971) for Hammer's rival Amicus, cult favourite The Wicker Man (1973) and SAS thriller Who Dares Wins (1982). She also returned to the US and made some TV appearances there as well as back in Britain, including Doctor Who. Later she turned to writing although she returned to the screen in 2008 for the Hammer homage, Sea of Dust (2008).

She certainly made an impression on Agent Triple P when he first saw her in The Vampire Lovers when it was first shown on late night TV in the mid-seventies.

She had been unwell for some time and died in a South London hospital yesterday at the age of seventy three.

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Dancing Venus: Ola Jordan

Ola in excelsis

One of Agent Triple P's guilty pleasures is the really rather dreadful TV show Strictly Come Dancing. This is known as Dancing with the Stars in the rest of the world because although the format is a successful BBC export the other countries never had the original Come Dancing show and so the name would make no sense (and would probably be considered rude in America) elsewhere.

Ola overdressed as usual

Grrowl!

If any one dancer on the show could make you Come Dancing then that dancer would be the gorgeous Ola Jordan. Polish poppet Ola has been livening up winter Saturday evenings for four years now.

Whoever came up with the idea of taking a long cancelled BBC show showcasing a very minority pastime and turning it into a ratings hit deserves a BBC medal. Everyone thought that the re-imagining of Dr Who was radical but it is nothing to what they have done with the original ballroom dancing show. Come Dancing ran from 1949 until 1998; making it one of the longest running TV series ever but it was dreadful! Now licensed in 30 countries Strictly has become the World's most popular television programme.

Ooh those thighs!

This series wasn't a classic and featured a bunch of so-called celebrities of whom Triple P had largely never heard. Nevertheless lacking an Alesha Dixon (I'm sorry but she is pointless behind a desk-you need to be able to see her thighs), a Kelly Brook or a Rachel Stevens we have had to console ourselves with the girlie professional dancers.

Foremost amongst these (and the BBC are gradually dumping the older girls in favour of younger models in their usual ageist way) is the gorgeous Ola. Now, many years ago Triple P's taste in women was rather different from today. He preferred short (under 5'4") curvy girls whereas now his taste tends to taller more athletic types.

Sex bomblet Ola is, therefore, at 5'4" (she claims on her website- I have seen her described as 5'3") a bit of a throwback for Triple P but maybe that's why we like her. There are much leggier professional dancers in the competition but for some reason we respond to Ola's Polish beauty, curvy figure (despite her short legs she looks great in a catsuit) and slightly bossy persona.

The essence of Ola'a appeal is easy to explain (at least for Triple P). Her small size makes her easily portable. She is nice and curvy and not as emaciated as some of the other dancers have looked. She has a fantastic posterior and a quite outstanding bust.

She is obviously very fit and her thighs look strong without being over muscled. There has been much comment that for this series her always abbeviated costumes have become even more abbreviated.

Of course they have, the BBC have been in a ratings war with the X-Factor. Although why the BBC, who don't take advertising and are funded by the taxpayer, have to chase ratings is beyond me. Shouldn't they just concentrate on making excellent programmes and leave all that grubby ratings chasing to the commercial stations?

Ola is very pretty, bordering on beautiful, and has nice long hair. Above all she obviously has a strong personality (polite way of saying she is bossy) and Triple P does like a forceful woman. Her poor "celebrity" dancing partners are regularly shown having stroppy Ola cut them down to size in training.

Sadly, Ola has never appeared in FHM or some other such magazine but now that she won the Strictly title (with her annoying "celebrity" partner yesterday) maybe there is some hope!

Now 27, she has been in the show for the last four series and you could see over the last few weeks how driven she was to win the title.

Well done Ola, Agent Triple P hopes to see you undressed in a Lads' Mag soon!

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